Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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