I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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