Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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