If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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