You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
