Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
