apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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