the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
whose parrot is this?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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