tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
