You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
