I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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