It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
