Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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