Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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