Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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