Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
