I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
