Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
