the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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