I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
