no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
