It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
