i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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