God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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