yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize