i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
