Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
