it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize