Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
