We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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