The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize