Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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