cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
