how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
