and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
