I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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