he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
