I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
