thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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