we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
