Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
