let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
