You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
