Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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