You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
