the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
