you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
