The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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