He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
