You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
