I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
