She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
