All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Damn victory sex feels great
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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