My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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