I hate your face
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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