I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
