I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
