That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize