Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
