Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
