As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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