He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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