...so i touched it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
