Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was born a porn star she said
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
