i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i now understand why vodka
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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