I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
