I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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