It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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