Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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