Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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