he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
