Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
