Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
