I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
