Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
