I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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